Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Emigrant Murks is trying to figure out

What is it?
Is it sadness? 
Is it fear? 
Is it relief? 
Emigrant Murks is longing to go already. Really?
To stay is not an option. And why to stay? Moving further is always better than staying. To reach somewhere, and then continue going. That is life.
Emigrant Murks does not want to say goodby. It does not feel like leaving. It does not feel like going away. In fact, there is no "place" to go away from. Everything that is important is mobile enough to come along. 
Some friends you have not seen anyway for several months although they live in the same town. It is not important to meet in "a place". The idea of a friend is moving along. 
Still, it is important to communicate. As well verbally as physically. To have people around to want to communicate with. Are they there too? Or is there just snow and trees and stones? And responsibilities to take care of other people, pets and things.
What is it then?

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Emigrant Murks is preparing to go

It is October 2012. Is it the last month ever when Emigrant Murks lives in Estonia? Never say never but still... 
October is a nice month. The last month in the year that is colorful and sunny. Then comes dirt and, hopefully, snow. At least here, in Tartu. In Tavelsjö the snow will be already on the ground. Hopefully. In November when we will arrive there. Otherwise there will be dark.
There is still many things to prepare. Someone needs updated drivers license. Someone needs international passport. Need to go to notary to organize some paperwork. Need to see some people. Need to work till the kid has the play-mate here. Need to pack some stuff. Need to get rid of some stuff. Need to...

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Mother Murks is an Emigrant

Mother Murks is moving away.
To a beautiful lake named Tavelsjö. Close to a town called Umea. Close to Norrlands "best" university. Close to Norrlands' biggest and best hospital. To Sweden.
 - Because he does not like living here in Estonia.
 - Because he had to disappoint so many times here. With people. How things are done. How things are communicated.
 - Because there is no workplace here in Estonia for him. Because of the finances. Because of the institutional stagnation of the work colleagues.
 - Because the rehabilitation system sucks in Estonia. Though, there are some nice people, there are more bureaucratic ones and those that float in the system. 
 - Because the medical system sucks in Estonia. I still hope that there is the knowledge, and the problem is only in "patient communication". But I do not know anymore...
 - Because our daughter needs (most probable) special care and tolerant society.
 - Because he needs to be close to his workplace and his friends.

What does Emigrant Murks need?

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Mother Murks is not normal

Standards. There are standards that we compare ourselves with. It is in human nature - like Levi-Srauss discussed - to classify, to make categories, to compare. The standards that are created by the society, by science, by ... any group of people. And then it is also common to compare everything to ones' self. And, of course, everything related to myself is normal. "I am normal," people say and think. Normal people.
Mother Murks' grandpa was once in 1930s selected as the most typical Estonian from anthropometric values. The standard person! Measures of the skull, length, wideness of chest... He was the most normal person in the gang of Estonians. Standard. He also had a super ironic way of making jokes, as Mother Murks has heard.. so, no-one would have wanted to be the target of his jokes. It seems to be also typical Estonian, or not?
Mother Murks has always thought to be normal. Maybe a bit small and fat, but this is also just cute. Still, the testing of Murks' chromosomes does not show that. Mother Murks is missing a gene in the 16th of chromosome. Hmmm. Apparently this is not normal, or is it? 

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Mother Murks is looking for her brain

Where did she leave it? Where is it?
Being a Mother seems to be so biological thing that one is just losing her mind. Her ability to think and analyze. Being a Mother becomes so overwhelmed with senses. The brain works lead by some kind of chemical-physical-biological engine. When the baby is in a bad mood the Mother just can not do anything else but deal with it till the mood is good again. When the baby is crying the Mothers' breasts are hurting and she feels physically enforced to act on it.  
Mother can not read, write and analyze anything when the kid is demanding any kind of attention. Even if the kid is asleep. The Mother has to think if the kid is sleeping fine. The Mother has to have the control of the well-being of her kid. Only some trustworthy people can take the babysitting work, otherwise the Mother is still thinking only about the kid, even if the kid is not around. 
Uh. Everything is fine! Uh. Where is the brain?

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Mother Murks is laughing at the dog and the baby

Every morning when the dog sees the baby been woken up she goes and brings her bone. The baby is normally on the floor and crawls between her toys. The dog puts her bone close to baby and lies down next to it , making the face she is just minding her own business, maybe cleaning herself a bit or something. Of course the baby notices to bone and goes directly for it. Sometimes she Mother Murks is faster than the baby and says "Ei", "Eee" or "Athena, ei tohi!" Then the dog takes fast the bone and comes to Mother Murks waving her tail. sometimes the baby is faster and turns to her back to enjoy the bone. Mother Murks says "Eee", and the dog goes and takes the bone gently from her hands. And goes again somewhere close to attract the baby to come and play. Every morning. Playing is fun!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Mother Murks is thinking about disability

Recently there has been a lot of talking about disabilities. People with disabilities. Children with disabilities. It seems to Mother Murks that people like to use this word "disability" to describe anything that is a bit abnormal and not conventional. Abnormal behavior or a state of mind or understanding or... 
BUT EVERYTHING IS NOT DISABILITY! Some things ARE just the personal characteristics of the person. Some things ARE just the personal preferences of the person. And if you do not understand them or agree with them, do not try to change them but just accept them.
Mother Murks thinks that it is important to leave the disability-diagnosis for the medical doctors to decide. Disabilities are possible to treat with therapies. If not really treat but at least control with therapies. But if one wants to change the persons characteristics or preferences... THIS IS JUST BRAIN-WASHING!  
Mother Murks knows... sometimes it is difficult to distinct between diagnosis and characteristics. And, most probable, medicine can still develop a lot to give new and different diagnosis to different states of mind. But I think if anyone wants to be wise enough to give diagnosis to new types of "mental disabilities" it can only ask for trouble and more misunderstandings among the people close to you as well as in the society in general.
"Disability" in common language is used as something negative, ridiculous, depreciative. It should not be like that, but those were-doctors just regenerate the negativity towards disabled people (given a medical diagnosis) even more.Disabled people could sometimes enrich the society even more than the "normal" ones.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Mother Murks has an external heart

The Heart is on the ground and gradually crawling. 
The Heart is fond of the big book-shelves. The books are the best toys in the world. Only so far they should be biting-proof.
The Heart is often laughing, sometimes cranky and crying.
The Heart has two teeth.
The Heart is fond of the dog, Esta.Esta shares her bone with the Heart.
The Heart likes to eat pumpkin-puree.
The Heart likes to swim under water and splash the water.
And.. The Heart likes to sit in Murks lap.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Mother murks does not plan the future

Isn't it strange how we are used to think that kids and learning goes together. Babies learn to turn sides, turn fro their backs to their stomachs. Then they learn to sit and crawl and stand and walk and talk and..
And we used to talk about the future times when the baby can already crawl and when they can already walk and talk and what will be then.. We are used to say "When the baby can already talk then.. "; "When our kid is already going to school then.."; " When she is taking her first ride with a bycicle..."
But Mother Murks is not thinking like that. Mother Murks is not hoping to see things happening in the future. Mother Murks never says these sentences.
Mother murks is only in the present. Happy that the kid is smiling. Happy that the kid is touching her toes. Happy that the kid is turning from her back to her stomach. Happy for what is happening not what could happen in the future.
Difficult but liberating state of mind!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Mother Murks is talking with girls about babies

The topic so feared. Especially that, compared to this, there will be no more topics. And there are no more topics. Or... if there are they do not make eyes so sparky and mind so awake to talk about for ages... Yees, some political wars somewhere... who cares? Some economic problems... who cares? Some natural catastrophes... who cares? Some plane or bus accidents.. who cares? Does this world even still exists?

Lets' talk about babies! How to hold them. How they grow. How they smile and laugh. How they crap. If they are vaccinated. How does it feel to have a baby. How long they sleep at night. How much they weigh. How to play with them that they develop and grow well. What kind of toys are nice and supporting the development. How much they cry. Should they sleep on hard or soft mattress - does it make a difference? So many things...

And there is no need to feel bad about it. There is so much to know hen you are a Mother. To know about the things you never thought about before. You ever were interested in before. The whole new world of topics are suddenly in need to work through. So much new information. Everything is important to find out. Everything is important to work through.

Do not blame the young mothers that they are so obsessed about their kid. A Child is a Child only once in life. Would be sad to miss that! And, what would be YOU like, if you became a young mother? Would you be any different? No need to work hard to be any different.. it is just stressful.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Princess Murks is a Mother

It is amazingly powerful. It is not possible to imagine how powerful it is when you finally feel it as a mother. I guess a kid feels it just as normal everyday life.. does not even notice it around as it is so natural for a kid. As it was for Princess Murks all this time when she has been a child of her own mom. Being a mother is something that has been totally unformulable for Princess Murks as it is a totally different feeling. Totally different feeling of love. Love that empowers with amazing abilities. The power of Mothers' Love...

- It is something that gives the mother senses to react to anything that makes her kid feeling uncomfortable.
- It is something that gives the mother the ability to supply the kid with anything needed, and to understand what the kid needs even if the child is not able to speak.
- It is something that makes the mother to be so-so certain that the child can manage with all the issues the life brings. Illnesses and other troubles - does not matter.
- It is something that makes the mother to trust the smile of her kid, that is full of self-confidence and joy even if the kid is only few months old. The smile of the child is the most empowering thing for the mother.
- It is something that helps the mother stay calm when things get bad
- It is something that keeps the mothers' tears hidden when the things get bad, are bad, get even keep the cheerful spirit for her kids... the tears get relieved only when the problems are already solved.

And for the mother all her kids are just ideal. Does not matter what faults or disabilities they might have. A kid is always perfect for the mother.