tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72668524287359421652024-03-07T20:34:26.240+02:00Murks' trip to IdonotknowhereMurks is traveling in kairo-topo sense of time-space. At times there could be pages of hyperbolic reflections and impressions of the habitated activities... At times there is nothing to say...Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.comBlogger304125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-3442196004945633612023-05-31T11:47:00.000+03:002023-05-31T11:47:22.209+03:00Ants<p>Springtime</p><p>Allotment garden needs attention</p><p>Dandelions</p><p>Yellow blooms cover the grass</p><p>Sunshine</p><p>It has not rained for two weeks</p><p>Bumblebees</p><p>Need more flowers in my garden</p><p>For butterflies</p><p>I miss ladybugs </p><p>Restaurant for insects is poorly equipped</p><p>Snails might take over</p><p>Aphids might take over</p><p>Ant-colony already nests in my chest</p><p><br /></p>Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-6240183557212575942023-03-23T11:12:00.008+02:002023-03-27T09:41:19.001+03:00tiredit makes me shake<br />it makse me cranky<br />it makes me shout<br />and overreact<br /><br /><br />tired<br /><br /><br />i will not name it<br />i hide it<br />i pretend it is not there<br />i have noone to tell<br /><br /><br />tired<br /><br /><br />i make faces<br />fake it till you make it<br />i tell miself<br />and smile<br />Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-15625736443756703682023-01-19T17:30:00.000+02:002023-01-19T17:30:00.050+02:00Something bad is going to happen<div style="text-align: justify;">Do not you feel it? I have this feeling all the time. For some weeks now. Maybe even longer. It is January and new year should always light a spark. New page. New opportunities. Yes, I also plan to go down in weight. Train more. Be more active. Love my body. Create good and meaningful contacts with people. In few moths I should find a new job as my project is finishing now. Do something meaningful with my life. Be happy(er) ...</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">But it just feels like that nothing matters. Something really bad is going to happen soon and then all my efforts are just waisted. I could just as well vegetate around and do nothing. No inspiration. No hope that the things I do or would do matter. They do not. Depressing. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">It does seem that during the last few years, many bad things have already happen. One might think that from now on it can only get better. I do not have this feeling. I do not think it. I just think there are only worse things coming. To the world. To the countries. To people who cannot make sense of right or wrong, truth or false. It is all so messy and gets even worse. I am sad and I hate this feeling. </div>Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-16515900938396589662022-12-22T22:19:00.001+02:002022-12-23T09:20:04.548+02:00I have no money<div style="text-align: left;">I have no money <br />But I still bought Christmas presents to my kids<br />I have no money <br />But I had a gourmé-dinner at Thai restaurant<br />I have no money<br />and I made sure my husband pays our electricity bill<br />I have no money<br />But I waisted some random stuff that attracted me online<br />I have no money<br />But I still sent my monthly savings to Ukrainian Army<br />I have no money<br />But I send many smaller amounts to surprise my own an my kids teachers with flowers for Christmas <br />I have no money <br />But I buy gasoline every week in order to take myself around<br />I have no money <br />because money does not belong to me<br />It is something that I borrow <br />from the people who have even less <br />Who do not have access to the amounts I have access to<br />and I have their trust <br />that I spend it in a reasonable way<br />Considering themselves, our earth and climate...<br />Do I?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />Money is never MINE. It belongs to the POOR.</div>Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-39293055649578357062022-03-11T10:19:00.002+02:002022-03-11T11:52:50.974+02:00Dear Mr PutinI have known you for more than 20 years.<br />I remember when on a school trip to St Petersburg in 2000<br />We talked about you as Bloody Putin<br />People knew already then you are not afraid<br />To let some blood to flow, a lot of blood. <br />Anyone's blood <br /><br />I have to admit <br />I have secretly admired you <br />For your bullshit <br />For being able to bullshit so much <br />To use people as your puppets <br />Both is Russia and in the West <br />What a clever manipulator! <br />Make people bow and show their respect <br />Be it real or out of fear <br />Or just because they are genuinely polite <br />and do not recognize any other <br /><br />But politeness is clearly weakness <br />Genuinity is to be used and manipulated with<br />Clearly, for you… <br /><br />Now, looking at your speeches...<br />Your long tables…<br />Your poorly photoshopped videos…<br />One might feel sorry for you…<br />You might just need some contact<br />Konni is not around anymore… but google says you have other doggies<br />Or you need genuine human contact…<br />A hug.<br />No-no-no… genuinity is weakness…<br /><br />You have a hazy look. <br />Your eyesight do not look so sharp anymore.<br />As it was years ago.<br />It reminds or the one Mr Brezjnev had<br />In the end, before he died, when he hardly could<br />Read out a full sentence, super slowly… <br /><br />I think you are the prisoner of your own manipulations.<br />As all the old Soviet leaders were.<br />Nobody tells you the truth anymore<br />You have started to believe your own bullshit<br />That is what your eyes tell me.<br />Ukrainians need to be protected from their own democratic leaders – my ass!<br />Your eyes have lost their sharpness<br />You do not manipulate anymore<br />You believe it<br />Nobody tells YOU the truth anymore<br />You have succeeded<br />An advanced chapter in Orwell’s stories.<br />Nothing sympathetic left there<br />Hugs would just be waisted <br /><br />So, <br />I hope the rats will eat you alive <br />I wish an umbrella will open in your stomach <br />Just jump from the Kremlin’s tower together with your family and “friends” <br />(but leave the dogs) <br />I hope you could give birth to a hedgehog <br />And while you do it – a bomb would blast in your ward <br />I wish you had a pancreatic cancer <br />Just pour hot tar over your head <br />I hope million mosquitos would bite you <br />And you would slowly bleed to death <br />I wish you borrowed Navalny’s underwear <br />Just put a gun on your mouth and shoot <br />I hope omicron would still come around to "hug" you<br />I wish you all the best!Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-79472519939461309192022-03-08T16:34:00.002+02:002022-03-08T17:01:11.479+02:00Naistepäeval mõtlen armastusest.Naistepäeval mõtlen armastusest. <div><br />Kas armastus on naiselik?<br />Armastus on hellus ja hoolivus?<br />Samas, mehedki ju armastavad. Tean. Näinud.<br />Nagu yin jag yang – igaühes leidub mõlemat poolt.<br /><br />Sõja ajal on teistmoodi armastada, <br />öelda: ”Ma armastan sind” <br />See tundub olulisem</div><div>See loob lootust</div><div>Armastus on ühtekuuluvustunne, </div><div>Armastus on empaatia.</div><div> <br />Öelda nii oma mehele, kes stressist kookus, <br />kuigi turvaliselt kodus ja tööl ja ühiskonnas <br />oma arvamust avaldamas ja <br />oma teadmisi jagamas ja <br />abiplaane välja haudumas. <br /><br />Öelda nii oma lastele, kes hommikuti ei taha ärgata. <br />Ja iga rõõmsama sõnumi peale pettuvad, <br />et see sõnum polnud: ”Sõda on läbi”. <br /><br />Söögilauale unustatud mustad sokid ei ärrita enam <br />sama moodi. <br />Lauamänge võin mängida,<div>raamatut ette lugeda <br />lõputult. Väsimata. <br />Pahurdamise peale ei ärritu,<br />sest rahulikuks jääda on lihtsam. <br />Ärrituda tundub mõttetu <br />nende triviaalsete asjade peale.</div><div>Ärritus on üldse kuhugi tunnetevaka põhja ära kadunud. </div><div>Ei mäletagi enam, mis see oli..</div><div>Sest on armastus.</div><div><br />Ja olulisim: armastus on mõtetes<br />Paljudes mõtetes. </div><div>Kõigis mõtetes<br />Igas mõttes<br />Sugulastele<br />Sõpradele <br />Sõjasangaritele</div><div>Tahtmatult sõtta sattunuile </div><div>Lastele, kes põgenevad kodust, <br />hea kui ema, vanaemagi kaasa saavad</div><div>Vanuritele, kelle kauaaegsed kodud lagunevad...</div><div>Nimekiri on pikk.</div><div><br /></div><div>Ja isegi sellele kurjusehällile mõeldes</div><div>saates temalegi armastust,</div><div>Kuigi ega loota pole, et ta endas naiselikkust leiaks,</div><div>naiste päeval või mõnel muulgi päeval,</div><div>armastust leiaks.</div><div>Armastusele armastusega vastaks.. </div><div>Selline lootus on naiivne. </div><div>Aga </div><div>Ikkagi </div><div>mõtetes saadan armastust</div><div>Sest sõja ajal on teistmoodi armastada. </div></div><div>Armastus loob lootust. </div>Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-58459107090744654702021-10-01T17:04:00.005+03:002021-10-01T17:04:38.949+03:00The wheel of stress<div>I know how it goes. </div><div>First, you realize how much work there is to do</div><div>Then you tell me about it </div><div>Then you cannot sleep properly</div><div>And you tell me about it</div><div>Then you need massage</div><div>And you tell me about it</div><div>Then you have a boring, waste-of-time meeting</div><div>Then you tell me about it</div><div>Then you need to work the whole weekend</div><div>And you tell me about it</div><div>And I go and spend the time with the kids elsewhere</div><div>Then you want to read me your text</div><div>And you read it to me</div><div>While I prepare lunch, clean, light the fire... </div><div>Then you go to work in a café</div><div>And come back</div><div>And tell ma that the sink is not clean enough, the fire is not proper.. </div><div>And that you have even more work to do</div><div>And then I get sad</div><div>And do not want to listen anymore</div><div>And my face go grey</div><div>And my eyes get soggy</div><div>You ask: what is happening, what is happening, what did I do?</div><div>And I just do cannot speak</div><div>There is a lump in my throat</div><div>And I just take my dog</div><div>And go for a walk</div><div>When I come back, I am calmer</div><div>But you have been panicking</div><div>And you are as cold as ice</div><div>Towards me</div><div>Because I ruined your evening</div><div>You are correct</div><div>I did</div><div>Unintentionally</div><div>And I am sorry</div><div>I knew it would happen. </div><div>But you book a hotel-room</div><div>And escape</div><div>Because you cannot be around</div><div>And I feel lighter too</div><div>It is a good idea</div><div>Because, I love you</div><div>But sometimes it just gets too much</div><div>And grows over my head</div><div>See you in few days</div><div>And I will not ask you again about how are you doing</div><div>Because I cannot take in</div><div>All your problems</div><div>Without flipping out myself </div><div>In the end</div>Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-5577670640128409692021-04-17T08:02:00.003+03:002021-04-17T08:03:47.238+03:00Place and community<div style="text-align: left;">It does not matter <br />where you are<br />you are still<br />alone<br />It does not matter<br />who you know<br />you are still <br />alone<br />It does not matter<br />where you move<br />you are still <br />alone<br />It does not matter<br />who you see<br />you are still <br />alone<br />It does not matter<br />where you go<br />you are still<br />alone<br />It does not matter<br />to whom you talk<br />you are still <br />alone<br />It does not matter<br />where you imagine yourself<br />you are still<br />alone<br />It does not matter<br />to whom you text<br />you are still <br />alone<br />It does not matter<br />if you are alone<br />you are anyway<br />awesome</div>Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-54241945091044136122020-11-01T21:20:00.001+02:002021-04-17T08:04:19.953+03:00Cannot let go<div style="text-align: left;">I will keep it<br />I will keep it to myself<br />I will keep it in my thoughts<br />I do not want to talk about it<br />I do not want to write about it<br />Absolutely not write about it<br />Maybe talk a little bit...<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">But nothing should be written. <br />Nothing att all. <br />Writing kills <br />Writing takes it away from me<br />Writing makes it the property of others<br />It takes it away from me<br />But I am not ready to let go<br />It is mine<br />It is still only mine<br />My thoughts, my dreams, my comfort. <br /></div>Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-73464297334077534142020-01-02T13:20:00.004+02:002020-01-02T13:20:46.694+02:00PromisesThere is something magical<br />
With the New Years...<br />
<br />
I think I am not superstitious<br />
But still<br />
<br />
The promises I give<br />
During the new years<br />
Are much easier to keep<br />
Compared to<br />
a regular Wednesday-promises<br />
or Fridays<br />
or Sundays<br />
Whatever days<br />
<br />
If I say:<br />
- No more Sweets!<br />
- No more drinking!<br />
- No more nagging!<br />
- More physical activity!<br />
- Healthier food!<br />
- Healthier life!<br />
<br />
Then it feels<br />
much easier to keep...<br />
<br />
Even if I relapse the same evening....<br />
It is still more serious<br />
more real!<br />
<br />
Or no?Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-4411861879229489372019-01-18T12:20:00.003+02:002019-01-18T12:20:29.671+02:00Keep laughing, my daughterKeep laughing your rolling laugh<br />
Never lose it<br />
Keep your eyes in tiny lines<br />
and the wrinkles in their corners<br />
Keep your dimples on your cheeks<br />
Keep your teeth for us to see<br />
Never lose it<br />
<br />
I do not mind<br />
that you play pranks on me<br />
If it makes you laugh<br />
I do not mind<br />
that you are naughty <br />
If it makes you laugh<br />
<br />
I do not mind<br />
just do not lose it<br />
<br />
Keep laughing, my daughterMurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-12680906752506832862018-08-22T17:06:00.002+03:002018-09-04T22:26:21.651+03:00Mold inside my headthere is mold inside my head<br />
<br />
i have too many plans<br />
that stay there<br />
waiting and rotting<br />
never get out<br />
but never go away<br />
<br />
they sit and wait<br />
and grow mold on them <br />
i do nto let them out<br />
because<br />
<br />
if i did<br />
they would change me<br />
and maybe make me<br />
into a better person<br />
<br />
but<br />
maybe not<br />
<br />
and<br />
then they will be done so fast<br />
and i would not have to think anymore<br />
or dream<br />
fantasize <br />
about<br />
how i fulfill them <br />
one day<br />
in the future<br />
<br />
when?<br />
never! Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-34852431660725139602018-08-14T11:18:00.001+03:002018-08-14T11:18:35.459+03:00Prefabricated conversationsA Discovery when Learning languages<br />
<br />
In some languages there are<br />
Prefabricated conversation. <br />
<br />
English<br />
Swedish<br />
....<br />
<br />
If you do not reply as you should...<br />
You are rude or dum or an immigrant.<br />
<br />
The last Three mean the same. <br />
It feels<br />
<br />
Especially if you can show<br />
that you, in fact, master the language<br />
already in relatively high level. <br />
<br />
So.<br />
Learn the conversations<br />
Even thoug<br />
they are boring<br />
and should be challanged<br />
in all ways.<br />
<br />
Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-63486414755818616992018-07-03T10:00:00.002+03:002018-07-03T10:02:24.261+03:00On the stageEvery day<br />
I wake up<br />
a Cold shower<br />
clothes<br />
coffee<br />
shoes<br />
bag<br />
to the car<br />
<br />
that is my initiation<br />
to step up<br />
to the STAGE<br />
<br />
The stage <br />
- my work<br />
the stage<br />
- the people I talk to<br />
the stage<br />
- my smile<br />
the stage <br />
- the texts I write<br />
the stage<br />
- my Comfort zone<br />
<br />
I keep playing my role<br />
I keep faking it <br />
I keep performing<br />
<br />
That I am intelligent<br />
that I am sagacious<br />
that I am fierce<br />
<br />
every day<br />
is a spectacle<br />
<br />
I do NOT say - it is unpleasant<br />
Not at all!<br />
<br />
It is fun to fool <br />
It is fun to pretend! <br />
<br />
It is fun to observe my astonished audience<br />
<br />
They have no idea... Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-33817341996454979522018-03-08T12:13:00.003+02:002018-03-23T16:09:24.091+02:00Power of words<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
I would like to be able to master</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
the Craft</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
of Words</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
To be able to express myself</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
in this powerful and Beautiful way</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
fully</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
But anything I say</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
or write</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
sounds simple</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
too simple</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
too simplified</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
I do not know enough</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
synonyms</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
in any language </div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
I cannot play with Words</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
that I have no knowledge </div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
and my brain cannot digest</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
them all</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
Frustrative </div>
</div>
Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-63949432014914577082018-03-02T15:20:00.002+02:002018-03-02T15:20:59.620+02:00Winter is in springWinter is here<br />
finally<br />
<br />
The evenings are so Cold<br />
but our fireplace gives warmth<br />
and it is nice<br />
<br />
The mornings are Cold<br />
and slippery<br />
The Little cravel-road<br />
Wakes me up<br />
with a shock<br />
every morning<br />
when the car start sliding <br />
towards the sides <br />
and for a sec<br />
I am not sure<br />
if we are gonna make it <br />
this time. <br />
<br />
So far<br />
so good. <br />
<br />
It is Cold<br />
all the time. <br />
I do not mind<br />
I do not mind. <br />
<br />
But birds are singing <br />
and the sun is shining<br />
sometimes<br />
with the intencity <br />
of the spring. <br />
<br />
I know. <br />
Nothing lasts forewer. <br />
So<br />
Enjoy <br />
The <br />
Moment <br />
Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-10982197383907038112018-02-27T02:09:00.001+02:002018-02-28T10:16:18.758+02:00Me ei uskunud<br />
Aga sa ikkagi oled seal<br />
Sa lamad seal<br />
Kirstus<br />
<br />
Su kirstu kõrval seisab su pere,<br />
Vanad ja noored<br />
Mõned liigagi noored<br />
Lisaks kulmukaarele<br />
Ja ninajoonele<br />
On ka see neil viimastel ühine sinuga<br />
Te olete selleks liiga noored<br />
<br />
Ka meie seisame<br />
Klimp kurgus ja silmad vesised<br />
Mõtteteravus vajunud<br />
halli uttu.<br />
<br />
Me keegi ei usu,<br />
Et sa nüüd kohe ei nihuta end<br />
Ei keera end ringi<br />
Sest kõhuli on ju mugavam<br />
Magada<br />
Või ei ärka, ei tõuse<br />
Ja ei hakka sebima<br />
Ei saada enam <br />
Neid reede südaöiseid kirju<br />
Põhisisuga: KIIRE<br />
<br />
Aga sa ei hakka<br />
Me ju teame seda<br />
Kuigi ei taha<br />
Uskuda<br />
<br />
Nii me seisame<br />
Ja otsime tuge<br />
Vaatame läbi udu<br />
Kuid südames on tänu<br />
Et tulid<br />
Olid<br />
Inspireerisid<br />
Õpetasid oma olekuga<br />
Mõjutasid<br />
Kasutasid<br />
Ja andsid edasi ning tagasi<br />
Intensiivselt<br />
Ja ülevoolavalt<br />
Ikka hingega kohal<br />
<br />
Sina läksid aga meie jääme<br />
Silmades kurbus hajub aeglaselt<br />
Ja ebaühtlase kiirusega<br />
Kuid siiski<br />
Kui laulame su sõnu<br />
Ja vaatame üksteisele silma<br />
Ja südamesse<br />
Ja homsesse<br />
Mis tuleb ja tervitab<br />
Ja kutsub edasi<br />
<br />
Jäävad su naerulohud<br />
Su pere naerulohkudeks<br />
Su peopesad <br />
Teistele pidulistele<br />
Su mälestus<br />
Meile kõigile<br />
<br />
Oli auMurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-26134662246271773142017-12-13T17:37:00.000+02:002017-12-13T17:37:05.705+02:00Why am I here?I just do not know.<br />
How did I get here?<br />
Why am I here?<br />
Where am I going?<br />
Why is it good for?<br />
Or even<br />
Who am I?<br />
<br />
I have higher education<br />
but I am stupid.<br />
I cannot speak properly<br />
I can write even less<br />
and it feels that<br />
everyone thinks<br />
I do not know things<br />
<br />
And, in fact,<br />
they are correct<br />
I do not know<br />
things here<br />
because<br />
I am not from here. <br />
<br />
I am starting to feel<br />
that they might be right<br />
more and more<br />
So many things are new<br />
that are so trivial<br />
to them<br />
<br />
I am in the group<br />
and listen<br />
and it is so tiring<br />
to follow<br />
all the time<br />
what is going on.<br />
<br />
but I know<br />
that I have to<br />
in order to<br />
fit in<br />
one day<br />
and be accepted<br />
and be able to work<br />
and be able to achieve somethings<br />
that would make my heart sing.<br />
<br />
But it seems so far, so far<br />
away.<br />
And i am tired<br />
so often.<br />
Feel helpless<br />
and stupid...<br />
<br />
Also. When these thoughts come...<br />
It would be so much easier to<br />
not let them in.<br />
Just continue<br />
Carry on listening and reading<br />
and talking and writing with mistakes<br />
wishing that there will be less and less mistakes<br />
in the future.<br />
<br />
But. These thoughts come<br />
and cripple me <br />
and do not go away<br />
so easily.<br />
<br />
I wish they did.Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-56001963826241653052017-10-29T00:59:00.003+03:002017-10-29T00:59:56.728+03:00ExpectationsHave confidence!<br />
Be a good mother!<br />
Be professional!<br />
Take care of others!<br />
Walk the dog!<br />
Keep clean!<br />
Make good healthy food!<br />
Take care of yourself!<br />
Be a good listener!<br />
Participate in conversations!<br />
Have good humor!<br />
Be sharp in expressions!<br />
Be helpful!<br />
Know what you want!<br />
Have focus!<br />
Learn fast!<br />
Be bright!<br />
Be on time!<br />
Look neat!<br />
<br />
Again, have confidence!<br />
<br />
It is too much...Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-59942841286876512822017-10-26T02:32:00.001+03:002017-10-26T02:32:07.332+03:00I have missed the trainsIt seems to me<br />
that everyone<br />
i building up their carrier.<br />
<br />
Working where needed to<br />
get experience<br />
Learning what needed<br />
having a concrete<br />
and thorough<br />
structure<br />
<br />
But I don't<br />
I am messy<br />
I get excited about everything<br />
and I am not specialized on<br />
anything<br />
<br />
Sometimes I hope<br />
everyone is just<br />
good pretenders.<br />
But in fact<br />
they hardly are<br />
They just know<br />
what they like<br />
I do not.<br />
<br />
Have I missed this train...<br />
<br />
And then<br />
there is this other train<br />
training and being fit....<br />
I do no sports<br />
<br />
I should I really should<br />
I know how much I could<br />
benefit.<br />
<br />
But when? where? how?<br />
It is dark in the evenings to go<br />
for a walk or run<br />
and I am tired by then...<br />
<br />
Daytime passes in the office<br />
evening with kids...<br />
<br />
The train is gone?<br />
<br />
Ouh, I am just<br />
making stupid excuses, I know.<br />
Instead of pulling myself together<br />
and doing something with my life.<br />
Changing something.<br />
<br />
But<br />
I<br />
do<br />
not.<br />
<br />Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-23357286359407713042017-09-17T14:23:00.000+03:002017-09-17T14:23:01.426+03:00I just need a hugI am sick<br />
Stupid sickness<br />
Could not speak nor swallow<br />
for two days<br />
<br />
I was put to quarantine<br />
by my family<br />
my man, especially<br />
who is so afraid of sickness<br />
just before an important work-trip<br />
I get it<br />
<br />
But I relised<br />
how lucky I am<br />
having people around me<br />
every day<br />
having hugs and closeness<br />
every day<br />
touching is so important<br />
<br />
I get it only<br />
when I can't get it<br />
<br />
Almost burst to tears<br />
when my son came to me<br />
in the evening<br />
just before bedtime<br />
<br />
He said:<br />
"Mommy<br />
one day<br />
when you are not sick anymore<br />
I would like to hug you."<br />
<br />
Uuuh,<br />
cannot wait for this day!<br />
<br />
I am so lucky!Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-22723656428725689332017-09-08T11:08:00.001+03:002017-09-08T11:15:16.007+03:00From another planetI am<br />
from another planet<br />
<br />
I am<br />
trying to find a job after<br />
a long time not working<br />
<br />
too long<br />
<br />
I am<br />
managed to get a practice<br />
<br />
I am<br />
feeling I have no idea<br />
about anything<br />
<br />
I am<br />
not having any clue about<br />
how people work
or<br />
what happens in the offices<br />
<br />
I am<br />
just learning about it<br />
as if conducting
ethnographic fieldwork<br />
<br />
as<br />
<br />
I have<br />
no idea how<br />
any
of these systems work<br />
<br />
Fresh eyes of an alien<br />
these I have<br />
<br />
Plus this language that<br />
I still cannot fully grasp<br />
<br />
"Ush, jobbigt,"<br />
as they would sayMurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-38500814273128806092017-07-29T18:58:00.001+03:002017-07-29T18:58:34.296+03:00Throwing a ballThrowing a ball<br />
back and forth<br />
<br />
You say whatever you need<br />
I get overwhelmed<br />
<br />
Few days later<br />
It comes to me and I have to<br />
burst<br />
<br />
Then you keep down<br />
but I see you need<br />
to throw again<br />
<br />
But you do not.<br />
<br />
Is it possible to just<br />
throw it away?<br />
Somewhere far<br />
where it won't come<br />
bouncing back.<br />
<br />
I wish<br />
you could<br />
and<br />
I could<br />
as well.Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-74705964299752780822017-07-16T11:49:00.002+03:002017-07-16T11:49:28.676+03:00BooksBooks are so different<br />
than life<br />
I mean...<br />
Than the language in everyday moments<br />
in speech<br />
in newspapers<br />
in films<br />
but mostly<br />
in homey situations.<br />
<br />
Books are like windows<br />
into a different world<br />
where visual-ity<br />
is created<br />
with<br />
incredible constructions<br />
of combinations and plays of words<br />
that do not exist<br />
<br />
in everyday moments.<br />
<br />
A book a day<br />
should be a must<br />
for a<br />
emotion-hungry soul.<br />
<br />
<br />Murkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7266852428735942165.post-47443299847470321002017-05-26T12:30:00.000+03:002017-05-26T12:30:11.346+03:00FlawsIn a loop<br />
<br />
I am here again<br />
<br />
Aaaah,<br />
I have been here before<br />
many times...<br />
And I promised myself the last time<br />
(any of these times)<br />
that I am not conna<br />
come back<br />
I will do it<br />
differently<br />
<br />
But<br />
Here I am.<br />
Again<br />
<br />
I saw it coming<br />
I saw the vehicle turning<br />
to its usual bath<br />
But<br />
I did nothing<br />
I did not fight<br />
Although<br />
I had promised<br />
<br />
Ooooh<br />
Again<br />
In this same loop<br />
<br />
DiscustingMurkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09630986170365051052noreply@blogger.com0