Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Mold inside my head

there is mold inside my head

i have too many plans
that stay there
waiting and rotting
never get out
but never go away

they sit and wait
and grow mold on them
i do nto let them out

if i did
they would change me
and maybe make me
into a better person

maybe not

then they will be done so fast
and i would not have to think anymore
or dream
how i fulfill them
one day
in the future


Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Prefabricated conversations

A Discovery when Learning languages

In some languages there are
Prefabricated conversation.


If you do not reply as you should...
You are rude or dum or an immigrant.

The last Three mean the same.
It feels

Especially if you can show
that you, in fact, master the language
already in relatively high level.

Learn the conversations
Even thoug
they are boring
and should be challanged
in all ways.

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

On the stage

Every day
I wake up
a Cold shower
to the car

that is my initiation
to step up
to the STAGE

The stage
- my work
the stage
- the people I talk to
the stage
- my smile
the stage
- the texts I write
the stage
- my Comfort zone

I keep playing my role
I keep faking it
I keep performing

That I am intelligent
that I am sagacious
that I am fierce

every day
is a spectacle

I do NOT say - it is unpleasant
Not at all!

It is fun to fool
It is fun to pretend!

It is fun to observe my astonished audience

They have no idea...

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Power of words

I would like to be able to master
the Craft
of Words

To be able to express myself
in this powerful and Beautiful way

But anything I say
or write

sounds simple
too simple
too simplified

I do not know enough
in any language

I cannot play with Words
that I have no knowledge

and my brain cannot digest
them all


Friday, March 2, 2018

Winter is in spring

Winter is here

The evenings are so Cold
but our fireplace gives warmth
and it is nice

The mornings are Cold
and slippery
The Little cravel-road
Wakes me up
with a shock
every morning
when the car start sliding
towards the sides
and for a sec
I am not sure
if we are gonna make it
this time.

So far
so good.

It is Cold
all the time.
I do not mind
I do not mind.

But birds are singing
and the sun is shining
with the intencity
of the spring.

I know.
Nothing lasts forewer.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Me ei uskunud
Aga sa ikkagi oled seal
Sa lamad seal

Su kirstu kõrval seisab su pere,
Vanad ja noored
Mõned liigagi noored
Lisaks kulmukaarele
Ja ninajoonele
On ka see neil viimastel ühine sinuga
Te olete selleks liiga noored

Ka meie seisame
Klimp kurgus ja silmad vesised
Mõtteteravus vajunud
halli uttu.

Me keegi ei usu,
Et sa nüüd kohe ei nihuta end
Ei keera end ringi
Sest kõhuli on ju mugavam
Või ei ärka, ei tõuse
Ja ei hakka sebima
Ei saada enam
Neid reede südaöiseid kirju
Põhisisuga: KIIRE

Aga sa ei hakka
Me ju teame seda
Kuigi ei taha

Nii me seisame
Ja otsime tuge
Vaatame läbi udu
Kuid südames on tänu
Et tulid
Õpetasid oma olekuga
Ja andsid edasi ning tagasi
Ja ülevoolavalt
Ikka hingega kohal

Sina läksid aga meie jääme
Silmades kurbus hajub aeglaselt
Ja ebaühtlase kiirusega
Kuid siiski
Kui laulame su sõnu
Ja vaatame üksteisele silma
Ja südamesse
Ja homsesse
Mis tuleb ja tervitab
Ja kutsub edasi

Jäävad su naerulohud
Su pere naerulohkudeks
Su peopesad
Teistele pidulistele
Su mälestus
Meile kõigile

Oli au

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Why am I here?

I just do not know.
How did I get here?
Why am I here?
Where am I going?
Why is it good for?
Or even
Who am I?

I have higher education
but I am stupid.
I cannot speak properly
I can write even less
and it feels that
everyone thinks
I do not know things

And, in fact,
they are correct
I do not know
things here
I am not from here. 

I am starting to feel
that they might be right
more and more
So many things are new
that are so trivial
to them

I am in the group
and listen
and it is so tiring
to follow
all the time
what is going on.

but I know
that I have to
in order to
fit in
one day
and be accepted
and be able to work
and be able to achieve somethings
that would make my heart sing.

But it seems so far, so far
And i am tired
so often.
Feel helpless
and stupid...

Also. When these thoughts come...
It would be so much easier to
not let them in.
Just continue
Carry on listening and reading
and talking and writing with mistakes
wishing that there will be less and less mistakes
in the future.

But. These thoughts come
and cripple me   
and do not go away
so easily.

I wish they did.