Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Why am I here?

I just do not know.
How did I get here?
Why am I here?
Where am I going?
Why is it good for?
Or even
Who am I?

I have higher education
but I am stupid.
I cannot speak properly
I can write even less
and it feels that
everyone thinks
I do not know things

And, in fact,
they are correct
I do not know
things here
I am not from here. 

I am starting to feel
that they might be right
more and more
So many things are new
that are so trivial
to them

I am in the group
and listen
and it is so tiring
to follow
all the time
what is going on.

but I know
that I have to
in order to
fit in
one day
and be accepted
and be able to work
and be able to achieve somethings
that would make my heart sing.

But it seems so far, so far
And i am tired
so often.
Feel helpless
and stupid...

Also. When these thoughts come...
It would be so much easier to
not let them in.
Just continue
Carry on listening and reading
and talking and writing with mistakes
wishing that there will be less and less mistakes
in the future.

But. These thoughts come
and cripple me   
and do not go away
so easily.

I wish they did.

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