Motherized

Now
That I am looking for a job
I realize
that
I am so
motherized.

Crazy.

What is my
ambition?
What would I like
to do?
What is that I should
contribute to?
What is the purpose
of my life?

I start to
think about
these
questions.

At this stage
of my life
I can only
answer
these
questions
in relation
to
the kids.

The strangest
is that
I do not even
know
If it is
good
bad
sad
strange
or
...

I can not
be someone else
than a mother
when I know
that my kids
are not
fine.

I think
I am afraid of
changes due to
that.

The question is
what
is
the definition
for "fine"?

Messy thoughts.