The wheel of stress

I know how it goes. 

First, you realize how much work there is to do

Then you tell me about it 

Then you cannot sleep properly

And you tell me about it

Then you need massage

And you tell me about it

Then you have a boring, waste-of-time meeting

Then you tell me about it

Then you need to work the whole weekend

And you tell me about it

And I go and spend the time with the kids elsewhere

Then you want to read me your text

And you read it to me

While I prepare lunch, clean, light the fire... 

Then you go to work in a café

And come back

And tell ma that the sink is not clean enough, the fire is not proper.. 

And that you have even more work to do

And then I get sad

And do not want to listen anymore

And my face go grey

And my eyes get soggy

You ask: what is happening, what is happening, what did I do?

And I just do cannot speak

There is a lump in my throat

And I just take my dog

And go for a walk

When I come back, I am calmer

But you have been panicking

And you are as cold as ice

Towards me

Because I ruined your evening

You are correct

I did

Unintentionally

And I am sorry

I knew it would happen. 

But you book a hotel-room

And escape

Because you cannot be around

And I feel lighter too

It is a good idea

Because, I love you

But sometimes it just gets too much

And grows over my head

See you in few days

And I will not ask you again about how are you doing

Because I cannot take in

All your problems

Without flipping out myself 

In the end

Place and community

It does not matter 
where you are
you are still
alone
It does not matter
who you know
you are still 
alone
It does not matter
where you move
you are still 
alone
It does not matter
who you see
you are still 
alone
It does not matter
where you go
you are still
alone
It does not matter
to whom you talk
you are still 
alone
It does not matter
where you imagine yourself
you are still
alone
It does not matter
to whom you text
you are still 
alone
It does not matter
if you are alone
you are anyway
awesome

Cannot let go

I will keep it
I will keep it to myself
I will keep it in my thoughts
I do not want to talk about it
I do not want to write about it
Absolutely not write about it
Maybe talk a little bit...

But nothing should be written. 
Nothing att all. 
Writing kills 
Writing takes it away from me
Writing makes it the property of others
It takes it away from me
But I am not ready to let go
It is mine
It is still only mine
My thoughts, my dreams, my comfort. 

Promises

There is something magical
With the New Years...

I think I am not superstitious
But still

The promises I give
During the new years
Are much easier to keep
Compared to
a regular Wednesday-promises
or Fridays
or Sundays
Whatever days

If I say:
- No more Sweets!
- No more drinking!
- No more nagging!
- More physical activity!
- Healthier food!
- Healthier life!

Then it feels
much easier to keep...

Even if I relapse the same evening....
It is still more serious
more real!

Or no?

Keep laughing, my daughter

Keep laughing your rolling laugh
Never lose it
Keep your eyes in tiny lines
and the wrinkles in their corners
Keep your dimples on your cheeks
Keep your teeth for us to see
Never lose it

I do not mind
that you play pranks on me
If it makes you laugh
I do not mind
that you are naughty 
If it makes you laugh

I do not mind
just do not lose it

Keep laughing, my daughter

Mold inside my head

there is mold inside my head

i have too many plans
that stay there
waiting and rotting
never get out
but never go away

they sit and wait
and grow mold on them
i do nto let them out
because

if i did
they would change me
and maybe make me
into a better person

but
maybe not

and
then they will be done so fast
and i would not have to think anymore
or dream
fantasize
about
how i fulfill them
one day
in the future

when?
never!

Prefabricated conversations

A Discovery when Learning languages

In some languages there are
Prefabricated conversation.

English
Swedish
....

If you do not reply as you should...
You are rude or dum or an immigrant.

The last Three mean the same.
It feels

Especially if you can show
that you, in fact, master the language
already in relatively high level.

So.
Learn the conversations
Even thoug
they are boring
and should be challanged
in all ways.